Please pray for B

The past few days have been {long, rough, exhausting, an emotional rollercoaster, stressful, seeming to never end, had their moments of happiness}. As you may have read in my previous post, my grandfather died. I can honestly say I'm at complete peace with his loss. I'm so relieved to no longer see him suffering. I'm happy to know that he is reunited with my grandmother. He is in a place of pure joy and beauty. A place we should all long to be in one day. I'm sad that I no longer get to see his sweet face, his goofy antics or hear his "Here's to you and me..." toast any longer. It's very surreal. I'm saddened that his namesake won't get to meet him but happy that B was able to. He was an amazing man and I am honored to be his grand-daughter.

On top of spending the last few days at my grandfather's bedside, we've also been dealing with a sick baby yet again. Thursday was a day from hell - there is no better way to put it. I had my gallbladder ultrasound that morning and B was flat miserable. all. day. long. He would scream and cry very randomly and he was running fever (easily controlled with Tylenol). I called his pediatrician and spoke with the nurse. I informed her that he finished his 10 day Augmentin course Tuesday evening and of B's behavior and fever. She said that because he was running fever again the pedi would want to see him. We scheduled an appointment for Friday morning. He spent the rest of the day letting everyone know just how poorly he felt. Thankfully, he slept well that night. {Myself on the other hand... eh, not so much. My brother and sister came to my house at 2:45am and scared the poop out of the dogs, Daddy and I because they came into the house and we didn't hear them until the dogs went nuts informed us that Popi had died. I got myself together and went to be with my family until 5am.}

We went to his appointment. The pedi came in and did the usual examination. After she looked at me and said that she could hear crackling noises in his lungs, particularly his left. She wanted us to go get bloodwork and more chest x-rays. We left her office to go to the lab. I called Daddy and my mom. I was freaking out inside of my head over the bloodwork. How would they draw blood from such a little person? I mean I knew that it was obviously possible but the thought of inflicting that type of pain on my sweet baby boy was paralyzing. We arrived at the lab and waited for 50 long minutes. We were brought into a room, his information was taken and then hell broke loose. The tech placed the blue rubber tie around his upper right arm and he lost it. Then she moved to his left arm. I was holding him in my lap as tightly as I could and he was pulling his arm away from her. She left the room to get another tech and I calmed him down. They both came in and he started to whine and shake his head no. One tech stabilized his right arm while the other one prepped it and then drew his blood. He was SCREAMING CRYING, kicking, trying to turn around into my arms - I sat there kissing him constantly and telling him it was going to be okay and that it would end soon and I was fighting back tears. Finally, 3 vials later, she was finished. I immediately turned him around, comforted him, hugged him, kissed him and he was still crying. When we walked back through the very full waiting room, you could tell that everyone heard him screaming because I was receiving looks of sympathy and I could hear people saying things along the lines of "aww poor baby." I think this moment was the most traumatic event I've experienced thus far in motherhood. I called Daddy and he didn't answer. Then I called my mom and absolutely broke down sobbing on the phone with her. Daddy called me back and I spoke to him until we arrived at the x-ray facility. They were wonderful - immediately checked us in, registered us and brought us straight back to a private waiting area for his x-ray. I, of course, could not be in the room with him because I'm pregnant but the 3 ladies that took him from my arms were so sweet. I could hear them talking to him in the room and he was crying but it was over quickly and at least I knew what to expect.

I spoke with his pediatrician later and she said that he still had bilateral (both lungs) infiltrates. I couldn't believe it. She decided to place him on Zithromax. And then her next statement felt as though somebody punched me as hard as they could in the stomach... If he doesn't imrpove by next week he will have to be admitted to the hospital. I felt as though I couldn't breathe. As soon as I hung up the tears started. My baby. Hospitalized. How could this be happening? I'm so not prepared mentally for something of this nature. But I know that if this what it takes to get him healthy then so be it (even though it's rather frightening).

Last night was R-O-U-G-H. B went to sleep around 7:30pm and at 10:45pm he woke up screaming... This screaming and crying fit didn't end until 3am. Nothing that Daddy and I would do was comforting for longer then 2ish minutes. I felt as though my nerves were fraying. I laid in bed at one point and just cried too. I felt so helpless. Why couldn't I help my sweet baby boy? Finally around 3am the house quieted down and we didn't hear him again until 6am.

I called his pedi's office this morning to find out his bloodwork results and to let her know about last night. They called me back and said his bloodwork was normal (thank goodness). The girl also said that Dr. Lawrence is hoping last night was just a bad night and a byproduct of his illness but if we have another night like that tonight, we have to call her in the morning and she will admit him tomorrow. Again, another punch in the stomach.

As I type this, B is peacefully sleeping in his room. I'm hoping he stays that way all night. I ask that you pray for a few specific things:
* last night will not repeat itself tonight
* that his new antibiotics will work and by Wednesday we will see an improvement in his lungs
* his appetite will increase - he has lost 5oz in the last 2 weeks. Daddy changed his diaper this morning after he woke up and that was the only time it needed to be changed until bedtime and it was barely wet.
* and lastly for me, I've had 16 hours of sleep in the last 4 days. I'm running on empty physically and emotionally. If I can get a decent night's sleep tonight, I know I will function better tomorrow. But in all honesty, my baby boy is worth it. He wants me (and only me) and I want to comfort him and take care of him.

And lastly, I am meeting with a general surgeon on Wednesday to discuss my gallbladder. I have so many questions and I really need to feel confident in whatever decision is made.

Have a good night.