I'm currently en route to the hospital for my gallbladder removal operation. I didn't sleep well last night but I expected that - I kept waking up and checking the time. All. night. long.
The worst part of today for me is knowing that B isn't going to wake up to me. He is 362 days old and he has ALWAYS woken up to his mommy's face. I know that he will be fine - it's just me.
Then the part that I will struggle with for the next week + is that I can't pick him up. It's funny when I tell people (with children, might I add) that and their response is something along the lines of "well make sure you listen" or "it will be okay" or "he will be fine" etc.... Hmmm you try not picking up your sweet baby for longer than a week and maybe we'll talk. It's going to break my heart. I know I have to listen to that rule but I'm beyond less than thrilled.
Well that's it for now... I will attempt to punch out an update post later today (once I'm coherent enough).
Please pray for the surgeons and ask God to wrap me and P in His safe/loving arms.
Thanks and have a good morning!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Updates
B is doing MUCH better. Thanks for all of your prayers! We met with the pediatrician earlier this week. She can still hear crackling noises in his left lunch... so we are still fighting this little pneumonia monster, but I think we are winning. She put him on a steroid for four days to help reduce/eliminate the inflammation in his lungs. And then she said the magic words, "we are out of the woods for a hospitalization." Whew, I felt like I could finally breathe again! We are seeing marked improvement with his appetite. And since we are 1 week away from his BIG FIRST BIRTHDAY, we've decided to begin the transition to whole-milk. We are giving him a half formula-half milk solution and we will probably do this for 1-2 weeks. He is tolerating it very well. I can't believe that we are rapidly approaching his first birthday!
In other updates... let's see:
* I am 21 weeks pregnant
* I had an ultrasound yesterday - P is one active little boy. His HB was 148bpm and he weighs approximately 13oz. Unfortunately, Daddy was unable to make it, so he had to settle with just looking at pictures. The first thing he said was "P looks just like B" and boy-oh-boy, is he right!
* I am having surgery on Tuesday to remove my gallbladder. I met with the general surgeon, Dr. Bowen, on Wednesday. He was looking at a Sept 17 surgery date but he called my OB to receive approval for the surgery and then, for the date. My OB said he wanted it sooner. Dr. Bowen came back into my room and said "Dr. Robichaux wants your surgery done sooner, so I can do it this Tuesday." I wanted to go talk to Dr. Robichaux about why it couldn't wait a few weeks. After speaking with Dr. Robichaux, I realized that we had to move forward with August 25 (apparently 24 weeks opens a window to greater risks for the baby). I am a little apprehensive about having surgery while pregnant, but I know that P and I are in good earthly hands and even better, in His hands. The anesthesiologist stated that P would be on a monitor the entire time and they will have OB on stand-by if something were to occur (main concern is pre-term labor).
I am also a little concerned with how B will react to me not being able to pick him up. I can hold him but I cannot pick him up for 7 days, and after that I am to use extreme caution until I hit the two week mark. I really want to listen to those orders because the chance for me to get a hernia is about 10-15% since I am pregnant (usually it's about 1%)... but really, it's going to be very heart-wrenching (initially) to see him wanting me to pick him and hold him like I do every day... but we will adjust.
I also hope that I am feeling well enough to go to dinner Friday night to celebrate B's 1st Birthday! His big birthday bash has been postponed until September 26.
So if you will, please keep P and I in your prayers on Tuesday morning. My operation is scheduled to begin at 7am. Thanks!
In other updates... let's see:
* I am 21 weeks pregnant
* I had an ultrasound yesterday - P is one active little boy. His HB was 148bpm and he weighs approximately 13oz. Unfortunately, Daddy was unable to make it, so he had to settle with just looking at pictures. The first thing he said was "P looks just like B" and boy-oh-boy, is he right!
* I am having surgery on Tuesday to remove my gallbladder. I met with the general surgeon, Dr. Bowen, on Wednesday. He was looking at a Sept 17 surgery date but he called my OB to receive approval for the surgery and then, for the date. My OB said he wanted it sooner. Dr. Bowen came back into my room and said "Dr. Robichaux wants your surgery done sooner, so I can do it this Tuesday." I wanted to go talk to Dr. Robichaux about why it couldn't wait a few weeks. After speaking with Dr. Robichaux, I realized that we had to move forward with August 25 (apparently 24 weeks opens a window to greater risks for the baby). I am a little apprehensive about having surgery while pregnant, but I know that P and I are in good earthly hands and even better, in His hands. The anesthesiologist stated that P would be on a monitor the entire time and they will have OB on stand-by if something were to occur (main concern is pre-term labor).
I am also a little concerned with how B will react to me not being able to pick him up. I can hold him but I cannot pick him up for 7 days, and after that I am to use extreme caution until I hit the two week mark. I really want to listen to those orders because the chance for me to get a hernia is about 10-15% since I am pregnant (usually it's about 1%)... but really, it's going to be very heart-wrenching (initially) to see him wanting me to pick him and hold him like I do every day... but we will adjust.
I also hope that I am feeling well enough to go to dinner Friday night to celebrate B's 1st Birthday! His big birthday bash has been postponed until September 26.
So if you will, please keep P and I in your prayers on Tuesday morning. My operation is scheduled to begin at 7am. Thanks!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
A trumpet
Monday morning felt as though it started like any other but I knew that the day would be one burned into my memory forever. We woke up at 6:30am, took our showers, had breakfast and got dressed... normal so far, right? But this was not normal because we were preparing ourselves to go to church to celebrate the life of one truly amazing man, my grandfather.
We arrived at the church. We went through the motions of saying our hello's and talking with some people we see weekly and others that we don't see often enough. B was an amazing little boy. We held him during the wake - fed him Cheerios, his milk and played with his puppy. Then we were informed that the service would start in 10 minutes. I felt prepared for what was to come {at least I thought I was prepared}.
I sat down on the front pew of the church. I was holding B and sitting next to Daddy... I felt rather comforted and secure. My younger sister struggled through tears and overwhelming emotions to read a poem. My older sister put together a spoken tribute of sorts from the grandchildren with our memories. We sang Holy, Holy, Holy and B tried to sing along with us (it was the cutest thing ever!). Daddy took B to our car because he needed a nap. I felt as though my comforts were taken away from me and I was taken back to my dad's memorial service.
My dad died very tragically and suddenly in December 2006. His memorial service was in the same church. I sat in the same pew... almost in the same exact spot. One of the funeral arrangements for my grandfather was almost identical to the one we had for my dad - the flowers were a little different but the size and colors, right down to the massive orange ribbon, were the same. I began to zone out. It was a lot to handle. These memories were flooded with the memory of kissing my grandfather for the last time around 4am on Friday, August 14. Again, I was very strong until that moment. When I kissed him farewell, I was brought back to the very day I kissed my dad farewell (albeit different terms - I said farewell to my father in a morgue while he laid on the table draped in a white sheet with only his face and left arm visible for us to touch). Their skin felt the same - very thick and cool - the softness and plumpness were gone.
We left the church and I felt better. We arrived at the cemetery and drove a long winding path to the back where the mausoleum is. Everyone piled out of their cars and waited for his American flag covered coffin to be taken out of the hearse. Two Army soldiers saluted his coffin as the pallbearers brought it inside. The crowd very solemnly followed behind it and either took the elevator or stairs to the second floor. It was hot and very humid. The air smelled very musky. We all gathered in the hallway where my grandfather would be laid to rest - top left corner of the wall on the right side of the hallway, with my grandmother.
The pastor spoke and then one of the soldiers stepped outside on to the fire escape and lifted his very shiny, silver trumpet. I lost it at this point. Hearing that trumpeter belt out Taps was just too much for me. I looked down at my sweet baby boy laying in his stroller and I cried quietly. I couldn't believe that this was really the end. I continued to cry while watching the most beautiful flag folding ceremony I've ever witnessed. The tears started to flow harder when I watched them hand the flag to my aunt, his youngest daughter. Finality.
I know that he is in a much better place... one that we can only long to be in one day, but that doesn't change how much we miss him. I will never forget the last few days I was able to spend with him. The last time I heard his sweet voice was that Tuesday. I went in his room and said "Popi, look who is here to see you." And amazingly, he opened his eyes. The room was filled with happiness as he smiled from ear-to-ear realizing that I was holding B. He reach his arms out to hug Brice. I leaned in with B and Popi gave him a kiss on his cheek and he said "I miss you." I stood back up and went to ask how he was feeling and his eyes rolled back as he went back to sleep. That was my last verbal interaction with him. I will treasure that memory. Forever.
We arrived at the church. We went through the motions of saying our hello's and talking with some people we see weekly and others that we don't see often enough. B was an amazing little boy. We held him during the wake - fed him Cheerios, his milk and played with his puppy. Then we were informed that the service would start in 10 minutes. I felt prepared for what was to come {at least I thought I was prepared}.
I sat down on the front pew of the church. I was holding B and sitting next to Daddy... I felt rather comforted and secure. My younger sister struggled through tears and overwhelming emotions to read a poem. My older sister put together a spoken tribute of sorts from the grandchildren with our memories. We sang Holy, Holy, Holy and B tried to sing along with us (it was the cutest thing ever!). Daddy took B to our car because he needed a nap. I felt as though my comforts were taken away from me and I was taken back to my dad's memorial service.
My dad died very tragically and suddenly in December 2006. His memorial service was in the same church. I sat in the same pew... almost in the same exact spot. One of the funeral arrangements for my grandfather was almost identical to the one we had for my dad - the flowers were a little different but the size and colors, right down to the massive orange ribbon, were the same. I began to zone out. It was a lot to handle. These memories were flooded with the memory of kissing my grandfather for the last time around 4am on Friday, August 14. Again, I was very strong until that moment. When I kissed him farewell, I was brought back to the very day I kissed my dad farewell (albeit different terms - I said farewell to my father in a morgue while he laid on the table draped in a white sheet with only his face and left arm visible for us to touch). Their skin felt the same - very thick and cool - the softness and plumpness were gone.
We left the church and I felt better. We arrived at the cemetery and drove a long winding path to the back where the mausoleum is. Everyone piled out of their cars and waited for his American flag covered coffin to be taken out of the hearse. Two Army soldiers saluted his coffin as the pallbearers brought it inside. The crowd very solemnly followed behind it and either took the elevator or stairs to the second floor. It was hot and very humid. The air smelled very musky. We all gathered in the hallway where my grandfather would be laid to rest - top left corner of the wall on the right side of the hallway, with my grandmother.
The pastor spoke and then one of the soldiers stepped outside on to the fire escape and lifted his very shiny, silver trumpet. I lost it at this point. Hearing that trumpeter belt out Taps was just too much for me. I looked down at my sweet baby boy laying in his stroller and I cried quietly. I couldn't believe that this was really the end. I continued to cry while watching the most beautiful flag folding ceremony I've ever witnessed. The tears started to flow harder when I watched them hand the flag to my aunt, his youngest daughter. Finality.
I know that he is in a much better place... one that we can only long to be in one day, but that doesn't change how much we miss him. I will never forget the last few days I was able to spend with him. The last time I heard his sweet voice was that Tuesday. I went in his room and said "Popi, look who is here to see you." And amazingly, he opened his eyes. The room was filled with happiness as he smiled from ear-to-ear realizing that I was holding B. He reach his arms out to hug Brice. I leaned in with B and Popi gave him a kiss on his cheek and he said "I miss you." I stood back up and went to ask how he was feeling and his eyes rolled back as he went back to sleep. That was my last verbal interaction with him. I will treasure that memory. Forever.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Finally!
I feel as though I'm seeing some light at the end of this long, sleepless tunnel.
B slept ALL NIGHT LONG! I woke up at 6am to hearing him through the baby monitor. Daddy and I were prepared to face another sleepless night but thankfully, Brice got the sleep he needed!
And even better, this super drained, tired, pregnant mama finally got the sleep she needed! I slept for 8 uninterrupted hours. I feel like a brand new woman today. I actually had some energy to clean (ie dust, sweep, mop, clean the bathrooms, etc) my house that I've neglected since B got sick (we would tidy here and there and the dishes were about the only thing consistently taken care of). I still have a few rooms left to do but I'm making lots of progress.
Tomorrow, we have my grandfather's wake, funeral and burial. We've decided to bring our babysitter along with us so that she can take care of B, especially during the service and burial.
Thanks to everyone who prayed for my family. We feel your prayers and God is answering them.
Now... all we have to do is make it through Wednesday with good results and no hospitalization and I will definitely be able to breathe much easier!
B slept ALL NIGHT LONG! I woke up at 6am to hearing him through the baby monitor. Daddy and I were prepared to face another sleepless night but thankfully, Brice got the sleep he needed!
And even better, this super drained, tired, pregnant mama finally got the sleep she needed! I slept for 8 uninterrupted hours. I feel like a brand new woman today. I actually had some energy to clean (ie dust, sweep, mop, clean the bathrooms, etc) my house that I've neglected since B got sick (we would tidy here and there and the dishes were about the only thing consistently taken care of). I still have a few rooms left to do but I'm making lots of progress.
Tomorrow, we have my grandfather's wake, funeral and burial. We've decided to bring our babysitter along with us so that she can take care of B, especially during the service and burial.
Thanks to everyone who prayed for my family. We feel your prayers and God is answering them.
Now... all we have to do is make it through Wednesday with good results and no hospitalization and I will definitely be able to breathe much easier!
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Please pray for B
The past few days have been {long, rough, exhausting, an emotional rollercoaster, stressful, seeming to never end, had their moments of happiness}. As you may have read in my previous post, my grandfather died. I can honestly say I'm at complete peace with his loss. I'm so relieved to no longer see him suffering. I'm happy to know that he is reunited with my grandmother. He is in a place of pure joy and beauty. A place we should all long to be in one day. I'm sad that I no longer get to see his sweet face, his goofy antics or hear his "Here's to you and me..." toast any longer. It's very surreal. I'm saddened that his namesake won't get to meet him but happy that B was able to. He was an amazing man and I am honored to be his grand-daughter.
On top of spending the last few days at my grandfather's bedside, we've also been dealing with a sick babyyet again. Thursday was a day from hell - there is no better way to put it. I had my gallbladder ultrasound that morning and B was flat miserable. all. day. long. He would scream and cry very randomly and he was running fever (easily controlled with Tylenol). I called his pediatrician and spoke with the nurse. I informed her that he finished his 10 day Augmentin course Tuesday evening and of B's behavior and fever. She said that because he was running fever again the pedi would want to see him. We scheduled an appointment for Friday morning. He spent the rest of the day letting everyone know just how poorly he felt. Thankfully, he slept well that night. {Myself on the other hand... eh, not so much. My brother and sister came to my house at 2:45am and scared the poop out of the dogs, Daddy and I because they came into the house and we didn't hear them until the dogs went nuts informed us that Popi had died. I got myself together and went to be with my family until 5am.}
We went to his appointment. The pedi came in and did the usual examination. After she looked at me and said that she could hear crackling noises in his lungs, particularly his left. She wanted us to go get bloodwork and more chest x-rays. We left her office to go to the lab. I called Daddy and my mom. I was freaking out inside of my head over the bloodwork. How would they draw blood from such a little person? I mean I knew that it was obviously possible but the thought of inflicting that type of pain on my sweet baby boy was paralyzing. We arrived at the lab and waited for 50 long minutes. We were brought into a room, his information was taken and then hell broke loose. The tech placed the blue rubber tie around his upper right arm and he lost it. Then she moved to his left arm. I was holding him in my lap as tightly as I could and he was pulling his arm away from her. She left the room to get another tech and I calmed him down. They both came in and he started to whine and shake his head no. One tech stabilized his right arm while the other one prepped it and then drew his blood. He was SCREAMING CRYING, kicking, trying to turn around into my arms - I sat there kissing him constantly and telling him it was going to be okay and that it would end soon and I was fighting back tears. Finally, 3 vials later, she was finished. I immediately turned him around, comforted him, hugged him, kissed him and he was still crying. When we walked back through the very full waiting room, you could tell that everyone heard him screaming because I was receiving looks of sympathy and I could hear people saying things along the lines of "aww poor baby." I think this moment was the most traumatic event I've experienced thus far in motherhood. I called Daddy and he didn't answer. Then I called my mom and absolutely broke down sobbing on the phone with her. Daddy called me back and I spoke to him until we arrived at the x-ray facility. They were wonderful - immediately checked us in, registered us and brought us straight back to a private waiting area for his x-ray. I, of course, could not be in the room with him because I'm pregnant but the 3 ladies that took him from my arms were so sweet. I could hear them talking to him in the room and he was crying but it was over quickly and at least I knew what to expect.
I spoke with his pediatrician later and she said that he still had bilateral (both lungs) infiltrates. I couldn't believe it. She decided to place him on Zithromax. And then her next statement felt as though somebody punched me as hard as they could in the stomach... If he doesn't imrpove by next week he will have to be admitted to the hospital. I felt as though I couldn't breathe. As soon as I hung up the tears started. My baby. Hospitalized. How could this be happening? I'm so not prepared mentally for something of this nature. But I know that if this what it takes to get him healthy then so be it (even though it's rather frightening).
Last night was R-O-U-G-H. B went to sleep around 7:30pm and at 10:45pm he woke up screaming... This screaming and crying fit didn't end until 3am. Nothing that Daddy and I would do was comforting for longer then 2ish minutes. I felt as though my nerves were fraying. I laid in bed at one point and just cried too. I felt so helpless. Why couldn't I help my sweet baby boy? Finally around 3am the house quieted down and we didn't hear him again until 6am.
I called his pedi's office this morning to find out his bloodwork results and to let her know about last night. They called me back and said his bloodwork was normal (thank goodness). The girl also said that Dr. Lawrence is hoping last night was just a bad night and a byproduct of his illness but if we have another night like that tonight, we have to call her in the morning and she will admit him tomorrow. Again, another punch in the stomach.
As I type this, B is peacefully sleeping in his room. I'm hoping he stays that way all night. I ask that you pray for a few specific things:
* last night will not repeat itself tonight
* that his new antibiotics will work and by Wednesday we will see an improvement in his lungs
* his appetite will increase - he has lost 5oz in the last 2 weeks. Daddy changed his diaper this morning after he woke up and that was the only time it needed to be changed until bedtime and it was barely wet.
* and lastly for me, I've had 16 hours of sleep in the last 4 days. I'm running on empty physically and emotionally. If I can get a decent night's sleep tonight, I know I will function better tomorrow. But in all honesty, my baby boy is worth it. He wants me (and only me) and I want to comfort him and take care of him.
And lastly, I am meeting with a general surgeon on Wednesday to discuss my gallbladder. I have so many questions and I really need to feel confident in whatever decision is made.
Have a good night.
On top of spending the last few days at my grandfather's bedside, we've also been dealing with a sick baby
We went to his appointment. The pedi came in and did the usual examination. After she looked at me and said that she could hear crackling noises in his lungs, particularly his left. She wanted us to go get bloodwork and more chest x-rays. We left her office to go to the lab. I called Daddy and my mom. I was freaking out inside of my head over the bloodwork. How would they draw blood from such a little person? I mean I knew that it was obviously possible but the thought of inflicting that type of pain on my sweet baby boy was paralyzing. We arrived at the lab and waited for 50 long minutes. We were brought into a room, his information was taken and then hell broke loose. The tech placed the blue rubber tie around his upper right arm and he lost it. Then she moved to his left arm. I was holding him in my lap as tightly as I could and he was pulling his arm away from her. She left the room to get another tech and I calmed him down. They both came in and he started to whine and shake his head no. One tech stabilized his right arm while the other one prepped it and then drew his blood. He was SCREAMING CRYING, kicking, trying to turn around into my arms - I sat there kissing him constantly and telling him it was going to be okay and that it would end soon and I was fighting back tears. Finally, 3 vials later, she was finished. I immediately turned him around, comforted him, hugged him, kissed him and he was still crying. When we walked back through the very full waiting room, you could tell that everyone heard him screaming because I was receiving looks of sympathy and I could hear people saying things along the lines of "aww poor baby." I think this moment was the most traumatic event I've experienced thus far in motherhood. I called Daddy and he didn't answer. Then I called my mom and absolutely broke down sobbing on the phone with her. Daddy called me back and I spoke to him until we arrived at the x-ray facility. They were wonderful - immediately checked us in, registered us and brought us straight back to a private waiting area for his x-ray. I, of course, could not be in the room with him because I'm pregnant but the 3 ladies that took him from my arms were so sweet. I could hear them talking to him in the room and he was crying but it was over quickly and at least I knew what to expect.
I spoke with his pediatrician later and she said that he still had bilateral (both lungs) infiltrates. I couldn't believe it. She decided to place him on Zithromax. And then her next statement felt as though somebody punched me as hard as they could in the stomach... If he doesn't imrpove by next week he will have to be admitted to the hospital. I felt as though I couldn't breathe. As soon as I hung up the tears started. My baby. Hospitalized. How could this be happening? I'm so not prepared mentally for something of this nature. But I know that if this what it takes to get him healthy then so be it (even though it's rather frightening).
Last night was R-O-U-G-H. B went to sleep around 7:30pm and at 10:45pm he woke up screaming... This screaming and crying fit didn't end until 3am. Nothing that Daddy and I would do was comforting for longer then 2ish minutes. I felt as though my nerves were fraying. I laid in bed at one point and just cried too. I felt so helpless. Why couldn't I help my sweet baby boy? Finally around 3am the house quieted down and we didn't hear him again until 6am.
I called his pedi's office this morning to find out his bloodwork results and to let her know about last night. They called me back and said his bloodwork was normal (thank goodness). The girl also said that Dr. Lawrence is hoping last night was just a bad night and a byproduct of his illness but if we have another night like that tonight, we have to call her in the morning and she will admit him tomorrow. Again, another punch in the stomach.
As I type this, B is peacefully sleeping in his room. I'm hoping he stays that way all night. I ask that you pray for a few specific things:
* last night will not repeat itself tonight
* that his new antibiotics will work and by Wednesday we will see an improvement in his lungs
* his appetite will increase - he has lost 5oz in the last 2 weeks. Daddy changed his diaper this morning after he woke up and that was the only time it needed to be changed until bedtime and it was barely wet.
* and lastly for me, I've had 16 hours of sleep in the last 4 days. I'm running on empty physically and emotionally. If I can get a decent night's sleep tonight, I know I will function better tomorrow. But in all honesty, my baby boy is worth it. He wants me (and only me) and I want to comfort him and take care of him.
And lastly, I am meeting with a general surgeon on Wednesday to discuss my gallbladder. I have so many questions and I really need to feel confident in whatever decision is made.
Have a good night.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Flying with Angels
My sweet grandfather went home to be with Jesus at 2:15am. Please lift my family up in prayer.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
And the verdict is in…
I had an ultrasound this morning of my gallbladder.
I have gallstones.
My OB is putting me on a gallbladder diet and I have to meet with a general surgeon to determine whether or not I need surgery now.
I will update when I know more.
I have gallstones.
My OB is putting me on a gallbladder diet and I have to meet with a general surgeon to determine whether or not I need surgery now.
I will update when I know more.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Bittersweet
There is no gentle way to say this... my grandfather is dying.
He has Alzheimer's Disease and prostate and rectal cancer. He is presently on hospice (a decision that was made between my mom and her 2 sisters after his colostomy and radiation treatment for the rectal cancer). He is not doing well.
Last night was a very emotional night for me. Daddy, B and I went over to my aunt's to be with our family in these last hours. This has proven itself to be a difficult line to walk. The selfish side of me wants him to live because I want him to meet my second child and see my baby sister walk down the aisle in December. And then there is the rational side of me that knows he doesn't deserve to suffer in pain and more than anything, he deserves to be in heaven with his loving wife, my grammie.
You have to understand something about my grandfather. He fulfilled the word gentleman in ways most men could never dream of. He is the kindest, most loving person who lived and breathed for his family. He is the type of man that children wish was their father, women wish for as a husband and grandchildren could only hope to be blessed with.
Last night, as I stood by his bed, I was overcome by a very bittersweet moment. I was holding my grandfather's hand while he was having some difficulty breathing. During that moment, I placed my hand on my belly because P was kicking up a storm. One hand was holding a life that is slowly slipping away, while the other hand was feeling a life that is being created. It was very bittersweet for me. P’s middle name is my grandfather's middle name So that moment was even more bittersweet because of that. And on a side note, B's middle name, is after Daddy, his father and grandfather (who is deceased as well). I feel privileged to have honored such great men with the naming of our children.
I feel very frustrated because I hate so much that he is having to suffer. I keep praying over and over for God to do His will but I'm so confused as to why he has to suffer so much. I am, of course, sad, too. It hurts to see that look in the eyes of my loved ones. It hurts to see my mom fighting back tears and it hurts even more to see her cry. This process is draining.
I know and truly believe that in time peace will pass all understanding.
I ask that you pray for my family during this difficult journey and these very dark hours. Thank you.
He has Alzheimer's Disease and prostate and rectal cancer. He is presently on hospice (a decision that was made between my mom and her 2 sisters after his colostomy and radiation treatment for the rectal cancer). He is not doing well.
Last night was a very emotional night for me. Daddy, B and I went over to my aunt's to be with our family in these last hours. This has proven itself to be a difficult line to walk. The selfish side of me wants him to live because I want him to meet my second child and see my baby sister walk down the aisle in December. And then there is the rational side of me that knows he doesn't deserve to suffer in pain and more than anything, he deserves to be in heaven with his loving wife, my grammie.
You have to understand something about my grandfather. He fulfilled the word gentleman in ways most men could never dream of. He is the kindest, most loving person who lived and breathed for his family. He is the type of man that children wish was their father, women wish for as a husband and grandchildren could only hope to be blessed with.
Last night, as I stood by his bed, I was overcome by a very bittersweet moment. I was holding my grandfather's hand while he was having some difficulty breathing. During that moment, I placed my hand on my belly because P was kicking up a storm. One hand was holding a life that is slowly slipping away, while the other hand was feeling a life that is being created. It was very bittersweet for me. P’s middle name is my grandfather's middle name So that moment was even more bittersweet because of that. And on a side note, B's middle name, is after Daddy, his father and grandfather (who is deceased as well). I feel privileged to have honored such great men with the naming of our children.
I feel very frustrated because I hate so much that he is having to suffer. I keep praying over and over for God to do His will but I'm so confused as to why he has to suffer so much. I am, of course, sad, too. It hurts to see that look in the eyes of my loved ones. It hurts to see my mom fighting back tears and it hurts even more to see her cry. This process is draining.
I know and truly believe that in time peace will pass all understanding.
I ask that you pray for my family during this difficult journey and these very dark hours. Thank you.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Expendable
Do you know what the black arrow is pointing to?
No, you say? No problem... a quick introduction will be my pleasure!
Everyone meet Ms. Gallbladder and Ms. Gallbladder meet everyone!
Ms. Gallbladder why don't you let everyone know why I am introducing you to them? What's that... you don't know why? Oh, I know why. YOU ARE WREAKING HAVOC ON MY POOR (pregnant) BODY!
Yes, it's true. I seem to be having some major issues with my gallbladder. It's definitely no joy ride. At the moment, I have to modify my diet and avoid foods that I know cause an attack. Here's the catch... I don't know which foods will cause a problem until a few hours after I've eaten it. For instance, a piece of pizza (so far) causes me no trouble and a chicken sandwich had me doubled over in pain crying. Any food that's slightly to highly fatty or greasy can bring on an attack from hell... the worst. stomach. pains. ever and because I am so nice, I will spare you the rest of the details that accompany those hellish attacks... let's just say, it's not pretty.
Why does my body contain so many expendable organs that despise me? Would you like a few examples... not a problem. {Example 1} Mr. & Mrs. Tonsil - on July 31, 2000 I got rid of those boogers after they inflicted many bouts of pain in my throat; {Example 2} Ms. Cervix - I obviously still have that since I am pregnant and all... but I don't have too much of it - April 20, 2006 was the day I had a large chunk of it removed (surgically, that is); and {Example 3} Ms. Gallbladder - need I say anymore?
My doctor wants to look at my gallbladder in depth at my next ultrasound (August 21). In addition to the whole "avoid the foods that cause you problems" advice, he also said to call if I have any more attacks because they will want to run bloodwork as soon as possible because they would be able to see something.
And to ice this big ole' stale cake, nothing can be done about it, in a surgical sense, at this point (ideally). If it got to the point where I had to have it removed, they would do surgery, but that's not ideal. And I will be breastfeeding after delivery, so it will have to be postponed that much more.
Other than my gallbladder hating my body in ways that I did not know were capable for an inanimate object to do, things are well!
This pregnancy is trucking along. I am 18w5d pregnant today. I can't really complain - which is so lovely to say because at this point with B, I was super miserable and it only got worse. Since I am closer to 19 weeks... this is what P supposedly looks like...
And on a side note - I received my new, super cool double stroller yesterday {very long story as to why we received it so early... if you want a Bumbleride, don't believe them when they say it's back ordered by 1+ month(s)}. I am in serious L.O.V.E. with it - and no longer feeling semi-nauseous over the price we paid for it. It's worth every single penny!
Bumbleride - Indie Twin
And B, well he is just a fabulous little person. Thanks for asking...
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
B’s Commercial
I received an email yesterday regarding the commercial B was a part of in May. It's finally ready and you can view it hereAssociated Bank of Wisconsin {scroll down and you will see a small black screen in the lower right corner and underneath you can click a link to view the video on a full screen}. I am such a proud mama right now!!!
its been a long 4 days
{Warning: Get comfortable... your eyeballs may hurt after reading this post}
On Friday, B started running fever. We were out visiting family all day and when we got home that evening, I took his temperature. It was 102F. I gave him some Motrin and figured that by the morning he would be fine. I took his temp Saturday morning... still running a fever. We rotated Motrin and Tylenol all day long. The lowest that we could get his temp was 101F and the highest (that we are aware of) was 103.7F. We tried every fever breaking trick in the book - letting him just wear a diaper, keeping the house a little cooler (but not too cool as we did not want to induce more chills for him), tepid baths, etc. I began to get worried by early evening (6pm or so) because he had not wet a diaper or taken in any fluids for 4+ hours at that point (very unlike B). Around 7pm, his temp was 102.1F so I made the decision that it was time to head to the ER.
We arrived at the ER and thankfully we didn't wait long. We were taken immediately to triage. His weight was taken (21lbs 13oz - fully clothed/diapered) and we were brought into a room. The nurse took his vitals - O2 97%, HR 150bpm - both great for his age. They took his temp and it was 102.6F. Another nurse came in and administered some Tylenol. They asked us to have a seat in the waiting area. After waiting for about 10 minutes, we were called to registration. We verified our information and went back into the waiting room. About 15 minutes later, we were brought into our room. The doctor came in and asked for a quick run down and decided it would be best to do a rapid strep swab (oral), an influenza type A and B swab (nasal) and a chest x-ray. He said it was pointless at that moment to do bloodwork because we would obviously see that Brice's white blood cell count was elevated but it would not tell us why.
Two nurses came in for the swabs and a radiology tech came for the x-ray. My mom was in the room with us at that point because Daddy had stepped out to make a phone call. My mom asked if she should come back and the tech said no. So we walked to the x-ray area and I went into the room and she was telling me how to hold his hands up by his head and I replied that I couldn't be in the room because I was 18 weeks pregnant - I guess she didn't realize! They had another tech hold his arms up. All the while, I waited in the hall outside the door, holding his pacifier and blanket and fighting off tears knowing he was okay but he looked like he was in a torture contraption...
{this is not B... just some random kid off the internet... plus B was screaming the whole time!}
The doctor came into the room later in the evening to let us know that his diagnosis was bilateral bronchial pneumonia. I was shocked. I honestly figured, at worst, he had the flu. He said he wanted to give B a shot of Rocephin and put him on a 10 day course of Augmentin. We had to hang out for an additional 45 minutes after the injection because they wanted to make sure that B did not have a reaction to the shot. Around 10:50pm, we were discharged (still with a fever of 102) but with a plan of action. Little did I know that I had a looong night ahead of me.
I didn't crawl into bed until 12:30am. I was in the nursery from 3:15am on. When I went in to check on him, he was screaming and so hot to touch. I took his temp and it was 103.3F. I stripped him down, gave him Motrin and he was wide awake until 5:00am. He finally fell asleep on my chest until 7:30am. We called several local pharmacies looking for one that was open so we could fill his prescription. We ventured out, dropped the script off and I ran into the grocery while we waited for it to be filled. We went home and gave B his medicine (side note: B does not like medicine. at. all.) and put him down for a nap. He napped for 2 hour spurts at a time - either in his crib or on my chest while I sat in the chair in his room - all day long. Around 4pm, we finally saw a break from the fever. His temp was 98.7F and he was such a happy little boy. It was nice being able to play with him and to see him smile and laugh. And we could tell when the fever was kicking back in because he started to get cranky. We gave him a bath early, fed him dinner and he was sleeping by 7pm.
Monday started very early but thankfully, fever free!! We had to be out of the house for 6:30am to make it into New Orleans for an 8am doctor appointment. We arrived with plenty of time to spare. The nurse weighed B (21lbs 12oz - fully clothed/diapered), took his temp and brought us into a room. B's pediatrician came in and I handed him a sheet of paper that I typed up documenting when I took B's temp, what it was, when I administered Tylenol and Motrin, and our eventful ER trip. I answered his questions and he looked at me and said, I can tell you right now that B does not have pneumonia. He asked me to get a copy of the x-ray film and the radiology report because he was curious to see what they both showed. He said that ER doctors are not typically equipped to handle infants and young children (I totally agree) and that they are rather quick to hand out broad spectrum antibiotics. He wanted to discontinue B on the Augmentin but stated that he would only do so after viewing the films and the report, just in case the ER doctor was correct. He went on to state that B may have roseola - a condition where a child runs high fevers for 3 days and then breaks out into a rash. I was frustrated and decided that I would drive the 45 minutes back to the ER to pick up the films and radiology report and that I would drive another 45 minutes back so that I could be with the pediatrician when he read them. So off we went...
We picked up the radiology report and while waiting on the films, I decided to read the report. It stated: "FINDINGS: The heart is within normal limits in size. There is no evidence of a pleural effusion. There is increase in the perihilar lung markings compatible with perihilar pneumonitis. IMPRESSION: Perihilar Pneumonitis." Now I am not a doctor, so I had no clue what portion of the lungs were the perihilar areas but I did know that the prefix pneumo- means lung and the suffix -itis means inflammation (so lung inflammation). I also read the ER doctor's report and it stated: "... Chest x-ray, rapid strep and influenza A and B obtained. Rapid strep and influenza are negative. Chest x-ray reveals bilateral perihilar infiltrates. Rocephin administered. IMPRESSION: Pneumonia. PLAN: Augmentin, follow-up with pediatrician Monday." We received the two x-rays and headed back to New Orleans.
We waited to see the pediatrician again. The nurse attached the radiology report to the door so that he would know we were in the room waiting. He came in and said that he read the report and the radiologist noted perihilar pneumonitis. He said that was basically puffy/inflammed areas of the lungs. He took the x-rays out of the room to look at them. When he came back he stated that he believed that the films looked normal and to discontinue the Augmentin. I walked out the office feeling even more confused and frustrated than ever before. I was curious as to why the ER physician and the radiologist (who for petes sake went to school, has an MD and specialized in reading x-rays) concurred and our pediatrician disagreed. All I knew was that I did not feel okay with what was going on. For me, my son's health is not a game of Russian roulette. I don't believe in pushing antibiotics if a child (or adult for that matter) is not in need of them. And it could have been purely coincidental that B started to show drastic improvement once we started the Augmentin or the Augmentin was actually working. I didn't want to risk pulling him off the antibiotics because I didn't want the infection to have the opportunity to come back worse than before (especially with it potentially being in his lungs). I decided it was time for a second opinion because all I knew was that over the weekend my husband and I had a very sick baby on our hands.
I met my mom at Home Depot and she read the reports and we talked about who I should contact regarding a second opinion. I thought about the pediatrician that B's cousin sees but I was uncertain as to whether or not I could get a same day appointment. I wanted answers and I was not willing to wait. My mom said "what happened to the Marty Kleins of the world" - he was our pediatrician and a good family friend (and one of the most amazing doctors ever). Dr. Klein retired several years ago and Dr. Lawrence took over his practice (I saw her a few times as an older teenager before Dr. Klein retired). My mom and I almost said it simultaneously... what about Dr. Lawrence. I waited until they were back from lunch and decided to just "pop in to say hi." She and one of my favorite nurses from the practice were chatting with Brice and I. They asked how he was doing and I said "Well..." Dr. Lawrence looked at the films and immediately agreed with the perihilar pneumonitis diagnosis. She held up one the films and pointed to a section of Brice's lungs and said "Do you see all of this white junk... that does not belong in his lungs." I instantly felt relieved... like I was making progress in being an advocate for B's health. She also stated that she would not go as far as saying pneumonia but more like acute bronchitis - it most likely started out viral and the reason he was responding to the antibiotics was because it was a secondary bacterial infection. Apparently at this age, they are more prone to the viral gunk picking up a host of bacteria. I told her that 1 week ago we were in Urgent Care because B was running fever and it had lasted for 4 days and we were told that he had a virus. She said she could almost guarantee that virus was the primary infection and it turned into a bacterial one several days later. She advised to continue the antibiotics. FINALLY, a freaking answer as to what was going on with my sweet baby boy.
At times being a parent is made much more difficult than necessary. I know that I don't have MD behind my name but I do know when my mommy instinct isscreaming saying "something isn't right... red flag alert." I definitely look forward to the day when B can say "Mommy this hurts, etc." - it's tough trying to search for clues as to what could potentially be wrong.
But I am very happy to report that as of this morning, my sweet little monkey is almost back to working at 100%. He is playing hard and giggling, smiling and crawling all over the place. The only thing that we need to work on is his appetite - he still is not showing much interest in food - but that will come in due time.
Now I am off to catch up on everything else I let slip by this weekend. Have a great day!
On Friday, B started running fever. We were out visiting family all day and when we got home that evening, I took his temperature. It was 102F. I gave him some Motrin and figured that by the morning he would be fine. I took his temp Saturday morning... still running a fever. We rotated Motrin and Tylenol all day long. The lowest that we could get his temp was 101F and the highest (that we are aware of) was 103.7F. We tried every fever breaking trick in the book - letting him just wear a diaper, keeping the house a little cooler (but not too cool as we did not want to induce more chills for him), tepid baths, etc. I began to get worried by early evening (6pm or so) because he had not wet a diaper or taken in any fluids for 4+ hours at that point (very unlike B). Around 7pm, his temp was 102.1F so I made the decision that it was time to head to the ER.
We arrived at the ER and thankfully we didn't wait long. We were taken immediately to triage. His weight was taken (21lbs 13oz - fully clothed/diapered) and we were brought into a room. The nurse took his vitals - O2 97%, HR 150bpm - both great for his age. They took his temp and it was 102.6F. Another nurse came in and administered some Tylenol. They asked us to have a seat in the waiting area. After waiting for about 10 minutes, we were called to registration. We verified our information and went back into the waiting room. About 15 minutes later, we were brought into our room. The doctor came in and asked for a quick run down and decided it would be best to do a rapid strep swab (oral), an influenza type A and B swab (nasal) and a chest x-ray. He said it was pointless at that moment to do bloodwork because we would obviously see that Brice's white blood cell count was elevated but it would not tell us why.
Two nurses came in for the swabs and a radiology tech came for the x-ray. My mom was in the room with us at that point because Daddy had stepped out to make a phone call. My mom asked if she should come back and the tech said no. So we walked to the x-ray area and I went into the room and she was telling me how to hold his hands up by his head and I replied that I couldn't be in the room because I was 18 weeks pregnant - I guess she didn't realize! They had another tech hold his arms up. All the while, I waited in the hall outside the door, holding his pacifier and blanket and fighting off tears knowing he was okay but he looked like he was in a torture contraption...
{this is not B... just some random kid off the internet... plus B was screaming the whole time!}
The doctor came into the room later in the evening to let us know that his diagnosis was bilateral bronchial pneumonia. I was shocked. I honestly figured, at worst, he had the flu. He said he wanted to give B a shot of Rocephin and put him on a 10 day course of Augmentin. We had to hang out for an additional 45 minutes after the injection because they wanted to make sure that B did not have a reaction to the shot. Around 10:50pm, we were discharged (still with a fever of 102) but with a plan of action. Little did I know that I had a looong night ahead of me.
I didn't crawl into bed until 12:30am. I was in the nursery from 3:15am on. When I went in to check on him, he was screaming and so hot to touch. I took his temp and it was 103.3F. I stripped him down, gave him Motrin and he was wide awake until 5:00am. He finally fell asleep on my chest until 7:30am. We called several local pharmacies looking for one that was open so we could fill his prescription. We ventured out, dropped the script off and I ran into the grocery while we waited for it to be filled. We went home and gave B his medicine (side note: B does not like medicine. at. all.) and put him down for a nap. He napped for 2 hour spurts at a time - either in his crib or on my chest while I sat in the chair in his room - all day long. Around 4pm, we finally saw a break from the fever. His temp was 98.7F and he was such a happy little boy. It was nice being able to play with him and to see him smile and laugh. And we could tell when the fever was kicking back in because he started to get cranky. We gave him a bath early, fed him dinner and he was sleeping by 7pm.
Monday started very early but thankfully, fever free!! We had to be out of the house for 6:30am to make it into New Orleans for an 8am doctor appointment. We arrived with plenty of time to spare. The nurse weighed B (21lbs 12oz - fully clothed/diapered), took his temp and brought us into a room. B's pediatrician came in and I handed him a sheet of paper that I typed up documenting when I took B's temp, what it was, when I administered Tylenol and Motrin, and our eventful ER trip. I answered his questions and he looked at me and said, I can tell you right now that B does not have pneumonia. He asked me to get a copy of the x-ray film and the radiology report because he was curious to see what they both showed. He said that ER doctors are not typically equipped to handle infants and young children (I totally agree) and that they are rather quick to hand out broad spectrum antibiotics. He wanted to discontinue B on the Augmentin but stated that he would only do so after viewing the films and the report, just in case the ER doctor was correct. He went on to state that B may have roseola - a condition where a child runs high fevers for 3 days and then breaks out into a rash. I was frustrated and decided that I would drive the 45 minutes back to the ER to pick up the films and radiology report and that I would drive another 45 minutes back so that I could be with the pediatrician when he read them. So off we went...
We picked up the radiology report and while waiting on the films, I decided to read the report. It stated: "FINDINGS: The heart is within normal limits in size. There is no evidence of a pleural effusion. There is increase in the perihilar lung markings compatible with perihilar pneumonitis. IMPRESSION: Perihilar Pneumonitis." Now I am not a doctor, so I had no clue what portion of the lungs were the perihilar areas but I did know that the prefix pneumo- means lung and the suffix -itis means inflammation (so lung inflammation). I also read the ER doctor's report and it stated: "... Chest x-ray, rapid strep and influenza A and B obtained. Rapid strep and influenza are negative. Chest x-ray reveals bilateral perihilar infiltrates. Rocephin administered. IMPRESSION: Pneumonia. PLAN: Augmentin, follow-up with pediatrician Monday." We received the two x-rays and headed back to New Orleans.
We waited to see the pediatrician again. The nurse attached the radiology report to the door so that he would know we were in the room waiting. He came in and said that he read the report and the radiologist noted perihilar pneumonitis. He said that was basically puffy/inflammed areas of the lungs. He took the x-rays out of the room to look at them. When he came back he stated that he believed that the films looked normal and to discontinue the Augmentin. I walked out the office feeling even more confused and frustrated than ever before. I was curious as to why the ER physician and the radiologist (who for petes sake went to school, has an MD and specialized in reading x-rays) concurred and our pediatrician disagreed. All I knew was that I did not feel okay with what was going on. For me, my son's health is not a game of Russian roulette. I don't believe in pushing antibiotics if a child (or adult for that matter) is not in need of them. And it could have been purely coincidental that B started to show drastic improvement once we started the Augmentin or the Augmentin was actually working. I didn't want to risk pulling him off the antibiotics because I didn't want the infection to have the opportunity to come back worse than before (especially with it potentially being in his lungs). I decided it was time for a second opinion because all I knew was that over the weekend my husband and I had a very sick baby on our hands.
I met my mom at Home Depot and she read the reports and we talked about who I should contact regarding a second opinion. I thought about the pediatrician that B's cousin sees but I was uncertain as to whether or not I could get a same day appointment. I wanted answers and I was not willing to wait. My mom said "what happened to the Marty Kleins of the world" - he was our pediatrician and a good family friend (and one of the most amazing doctors ever). Dr. Klein retired several years ago and Dr. Lawrence took over his practice (I saw her a few times as an older teenager before Dr. Klein retired). My mom and I almost said it simultaneously... what about Dr. Lawrence. I waited until they were back from lunch and decided to just "pop in to say hi." She and one of my favorite nurses from the practice were chatting with Brice and I. They asked how he was doing and I said "Well..." Dr. Lawrence looked at the films and immediately agreed with the perihilar pneumonitis diagnosis. She held up one the films and pointed to a section of Brice's lungs and said "Do you see all of this white junk... that does not belong in his lungs." I instantly felt relieved... like I was making progress in being an advocate for B's health. She also stated that she would not go as far as saying pneumonia but more like acute bronchitis - it most likely started out viral and the reason he was responding to the antibiotics was because it was a secondary bacterial infection. Apparently at this age, they are more prone to the viral gunk picking up a host of bacteria. I told her that 1 week ago we were in Urgent Care because B was running fever and it had lasted for 4 days and we were told that he had a virus. She said she could almost guarantee that virus was the primary infection and it turned into a bacterial one several days later. She advised to continue the antibiotics. FINALLY, a freaking answer as to what was going on with my sweet baby boy.
At times being a parent is made much more difficult than necessary. I know that I don't have MD behind my name but I do know when my mommy instinct is
But I am very happy to report that as of this morning, my sweet little monkey is almost back to working at 100%. He is playing hard and giggling, smiling and crawling all over the place. The only thing that we need to work on is his appetite - he still is not showing much interest in food - but that will come in due time.
Now I am off to catch up on everything else I let slip by this weekend. Have a great day!
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