Bittersweet Days

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full and well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the Earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139: 13-16

We are all created with a purpose and knowing that part of my purpose here on Earth was to be B and P's mommy is one of the most gratifying things ever. I love all three of my guys with every fiber of my being, every ounce of my body. But my heart seems to burst at it's seems with love for my boys. I've never known a feeling so powerful. Don't get me wrong... I love my husband and my heart wants to explode with the love that I feel for him... but the love you have for a child is so completely different. It's something that you cannot fully experience without being a parent. It's a feeling that will make you happy even on your worst of days. I wish I could bottle it up and hand it out because this world would be a much better place if everyone could feel it.

I have to laugh at myself because one week ago, I know that I didn't feel sad over the ending of this pregnancy. I don't know if it's the hormones or what, but I am having some bittersweet moments this morning and I think they are going to keep coming for the next few days.

It's like I woke up this morning and realized that this was it. It's over. Finished. Complete. After P's arrival on Friday, I will never experience pregnancy again. As much as pregnancy doesn't agree with my body, I am sad that I will never have the pleasure of experiencing this beautiful feeling again. Being pregnant, having life grow within my womb, seeing his heart beat for the first time, hearing that beautiful thumping noise, seeing him on ultrasound and feeling him move within me are moments that I will never forget - I love those moments.

I feel as though this pregnancy has raced by me. I remember finding out on April 26 that we were having another baby. I remember the initial shock of seeing the word "pregnant" pop up on that test. I remember the laughter {albeit the scared to death type} that Daddy and I shared because what else do you do when you get the surprise of your life. I remember constantly telling myself that God wouldn't give us more than we could handle. I remember my OB calming my fears by telling me that God's blessings are never-ending. And here we are today... three days away from me meeting my second baby, second son.

Bittersweet.

I have been blessed.
I am so blessed.
And I know that I will continue to be blessed.