I owe you...

{an apology}...

for sucking at blogging lately... in all honestly, up until a few days ago, I felt kinda sucky at everything.

I have so much going on in my life and I can't turn my brain off... pure chaos... and it was beginning to manifest in everything I touched. But with the help of my therapist and some serious workouts at the gym, my mood has changed for the better. I feel like the old, bubbly, happy Mommy is beginning to shine through.

So for the haters/stalkers/crazies that think I don't portray the real me online... guess what, I do. We had a major, life-changing, core-shaking event occur right here, within the Little Bugs household. It's not always sugarplums and rainbows here. We fight, we argue but I don't air my dirty laundry. But one day, I will let you all in on what this event was. Not because I want pity or for you to feel my rawness but because I have been eternally changed - for the good - and I am so thankful as odd as it may seem.

I have grown a lot over the last five weeks. I have been changed to my core. I am a different person. The things that once mattered, no longer matter. It's weird how one event (albeit a major one) can cause so much positive change. One day, when the time is right, I will let you in.

{an update on Big Man & Little Man}...

I have SO much to say about these two sweethearts.

Little Man's

(1) GERD is finally on the upslope! We are seeing some fantastic progress and we've begun weaning him from 20mg of Nexium per day to 10mg of Nexium per day.

(2) We saw a food allergist to rule out food allergies. His bloodwork came back negative for multiple foods but his allergist said that didn't rule out the possibility of Type 4 allergies (cannot be tested for) - we are to slowly re-introduce solids waiting 1 week between each. If we see issues arising, we have to eliminate the most recent food and if that doesn't resolve it, then we eliminate the next one. We follow-up with him in October.

(3) He is still on thickened feeds - but we are very, very gradually weaning him off of that as well. His speech therapist (ST) does not want us offering anything out of his sippy cup other than water. She said that if he were to aspirate, we want it to be plain water vs. food (thereby avoiding the potential for another round of pneumonia). We have to gradually wean him off of thickened feeds because he is used to having to work harder to get his milk out of the nipple. If we were to go straight to unthickened feeds, she said the chance of him aspirating would be very likely because it would immediately hit the back of his throat since it would flow so easily.

(4) His ST comes once a week to work on feeding issues - he is a bit gaggy on think purees. I know it's not truly funny [only slightly ;) ] but for several weeks, when he had any type of food [puree, teeny piece of a puff, a mum-mum, etc] in his mouth, he made this very strange face and it looked as though he had the chills from head to toe with the way his body shook and he made this "bleeeeh" noise. But he is making progress - he seems to be more accepting, he is making the noise less as well.

(5) Still no crawling, still no rolling - his extent of rolling is when we put him on his tummy to force some tummy time... he will either be happy or mad and within 60 seconds, he flips on to his back and is like turtle that is stuck. His pedi wrote orders for PT today in addition to ST.

(6) Speaking of his pedi, today was his [2 week late] 8 month well-visit... he weighs 18lbs 15oz (just barely above 25th%), is 27 3/4" long (just barely below 50th%) and his head... oh his poor, massive head is 19 1/4" (completely off the growth chart and only 1/4" smaller than his 24 month old brother)... his pedi was pretty concerned. He said that even though we had the brain MRI at 4 months old (04.19.2010) and the results were normal, his head wasn't that large (75th%). He has ordered a head CT just to be on the safe side. That is scheduled for next week and we will have the results 24 hours later.

(7) his scoliosis... I am not going to go into extensive detail with this because (a) we have made a decision that we feel is best for our child and we don't want to be swayed or have to hear any negativity and (b) it's a bit much to even detail out for you. After we follow through with our decision, or maybe even during the process, I will post about what is going on. Our emotions run high with this - happy, sad, indifferent, nervous, scared, etc. But we hope and pray the outcome will be more than worth it!

{Little Man's spine as of 08.20.2010}

and now for...

Big Man... Just turned 2! I cannot believe that he is 2 - how did that happen so quickly?!In any event, Big Man is doing well! ST seems to be doing wonders for him. His vocabulary has rapidly expanded. He knows several signs, in addition to using words. Every day he adds new words and signs and he tried hard to mimic words we use. I am SO thankful that we decided to seek out ST!

Today was his 2 year well-visit. His stats are: 27.8lbs (50th%) and 33" tall (25th%). He is so sweet. He loves Little Man. He has a big heart - loves to give hugs and kisses! He gets very excited when he sees his Nana (or Nini as he calls her), Mimi and Papa - he screams their names and looks as though he will burst at the seams whenever they come over. It makes.this.mama's.heart.melt.

Ok... for now... that is all. I really will try to blog here and there (maybe once a week, maybe more, but no promises!)... I am just trying to enjoy and love and treasure what means the absolute most to me.